Wednesday, 5 December 2007

Wanted Man

According to my stat counter widget thing, Greater Manchester Police visited my profile yesterday morning. Not my blog; it was me they were interested in. I'm trying to think what I might have done. There was talk of doing a runner from a restaurant after a particularly bad curry in Bradford once, but that was years ago, and anyway good sense prevailed.

I have used the word 'bottom' in my blogs twice since September, but I'm not convinced this is an arrestable offence. Also 'Brother Tobias' does produce some rude anagrams, but that's purely accidental. Anyone's name does. Besides, I'm sure they've heard worse than 'I rot bathrobes,' 'hot rabbi store' and 'tit barer hobos' in Greater Manchester.

The car that was doing 74 on the M6 last April and which looked a bit like an invalid carriage was, in fact, an invalid carriage, and not our Peugeot Escapade. We were in Penzance at the time. I remember, because it was raining so we bought a serpentine model of a lighthouse with a thermometer inside. I can show you it, if you want.

My theory guys, if it's any help, is that there may be two Brother Tobias's who are completely unrelated. And the other one, who probably looks a little bit like me if you slit your eyes, has long toenails and is heading for Merseyside, where he is less likely to be noticed. Also I think the Greater Manchester Constabulary are a fine body of men and women who are doing a difficult and thankless job with dedication and perseverance, and I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Damn. I've just said 'bottom' again. Now I'm for it.


  1. You really make me laugh! Can't always comment, but please keep this blog going!

  2. Thank you. May I use you as a character witness when they arrest me?