What's in a Name?

The Sagittarian has speculated about the title of my blog. My readers have varied tastes; in an attempt to please both of them, I will offer several different explanations, any or none of which may be true.

Bergman

A memorable event in my early life (in fact the only memorable event in my early life), was playing the part of the ferryman's son in Ingmar Bergman's 1961 film, 'Through a Glass Darkly'. I was offered it through an old family connection, and the location was the island of Fårö, which was closed to normal visitors at the time because it contained secret military installations. But Bergman lived there, and this was the first of many films he made on the island. I was only there for two days and have limited memories of it all. I do recall that Gunnar Björnstrand, who played the novelist, was always pleased to see me and taught me a traditional greeting which I still remember; 'Gå bort du otäck litten räka'. Sadly Ingmar Bergman was by then unrecognisable from his famous rôle as Ilsa Lund in 'Casablanca'.


Balloons

Newcastle's Long Bar is on the Great North Road, almost opposite Central Station. In those days it was very much a men-only bar. In retrospect it was a bad idea to have agreed to meet Tim Darkly there for a pint of Fed Special on the way to a party. I'd have been all right. Cherry loons and an Afghan coat might have escaped comment in a student town. But Darkly was dressed as a nurse, complete with balloons. It wasn't a fancy dress party; he always dressed as a nurse, and I should have remembered that. Even then, we might have got away with it, if he hadn't misjudged his embonpoint (the balloons were over-inflated) and jogged the arm of the diminutive Geordie standing next to him, causing him to spill beer down his shirt. The man said something very brief that neither of us caught, and very deliberately poured a significant amount of brown ale down Darkly's cleavage before turning away. Darkly asked me how we should respond and I, thinking that the best thing would be to buy the man a drink, said, "Through a glass, Darkly". Unfortunately he thought I said, 'Throw a glass, Darkly'.

I can tell you, should you ever be in a similar position, that the care offered in the Royal Victoria Infirmary is second to none.

Bible

My choice of hymn for our wedding was number 240 from Hymns Ancient & Modern, which is adapted from the poem 'Elixir' by George Herbert (1593 - 1632). It includes the verse, 'A man that looks on glass on it may stay his eye; or if he pleases, through it pass, and then the heaven espy'. (It's a pretty line, although the following verse gave me an opportunity to glance significantly at the Social Secretary; 'A servant with this clause makes drudgery divine: who sweeps a room, as for your laws, makes that and th' action fine'). The glass line seems to echo Corinthians 1, 13,8. "For now we see through a glass, darkly" - a line I've always had affection for, since I am not unknown for seeing life slightly hazily through a glass.

Select Committee Calls for Ban

An influential Parliamentary Committee has called for introduction of a minimum price for books and other literary products. Citing research that showed that the real price of literature has fallen dramatically in the last 30 years, the Home Affairs Select Committee wants to ban special promotions and prohibit supermarkets and other outlets from selling books at a loss to attract customers. Chairman Keith Vase said that popular titles were 69% more affordable now than they had been in 1980. "Police are spending too much time dealing with reading-fuelled social unrest, and the easy availability of reading material is contributing to the problem. More working time is lost through reading than through accidents in the bath, and there is increasing evidence of older people stocking up and reading at home, often solitarily. They may be unaware of the dangers of excessive reading, which can damage eyesight and contribute to obesity and heart disease. We are asking for a ban.

"We are particularly concerned at products intended to entice younger people to read. Brands such as Harry Potter may seem innocuous, but they can quickly become habit-forming. Studies suggest that early reading increases the risk of developing a lifelong reading habit."

Besides seeking to legislate against the sale of cut-price literature, the committee wants to revoke the licences of some outlets currently authorised to sell reading matter; introduce prominent health warnings drawing attention to the physical and mental health consequences of reading; and outlaw reading in public places. When it was suggested to Mr Vaj that some people enjoyed reading and that moves to restrict it might be unpopular, he replied, "Happy readers lead to unhappy communities. The Government needs to act decisively in the public interest."

[For any non-UK readers, a Select Committee has today called for restrictions on the sale of alcohol]

Energy Saving Tips

There are an awful lot of holly berries on the bough this year, which is supposed to mean a bad winter (there is a saying in these parts, 'When hol'berries be rife, best cuddle a wife'.) And now that BT has stocked up on anthracite nuts, candles and paraffin before they run out, he can share his suspicion that when the Russians cut off our oil and gas supplies, we might experience the odd power cut over the coming months. These won't last long, because people will stop buying caviar and listening to Tatu, which should soon bring the Russian economy to its knees. In the meanwhile, BT has jotted down his top ten energy-saving tips which you may find useful.

Pop down to B&Q, buy a small pot of own brand Signal Red Gloss, and paint your radiators red. They will look so warm that you will be able to get away without turning the heating on.

Keep an empty hot water bottle under the bed. If taken short in the night, no need to turn on the lights and lose body-heat going to the bathroom; just use the bottle. It'll warm you for an hour or two afterwards as well.

Make your own organic, warming toothpaste; mix two tablespoons of bicarbonate of soda with an ounce of grated dried chilli peppers. Add a teaspoon of lime pickle and stir into a paste. Brush teeth and gums vigorously before bed. There's no need for a partner to snuggle up to with this hot number. Be careful to wash your hands afterwards.

Next time you go to the supermarket, ask for some empty boxes. Tell them that you are collecting for 'Warmer Homes for Wensleydale'. When you get back, move the furniture away from the walls and pile the boxes up from floor to ceiling. You'll be surprised at the difference this makes. The extra storage opportunities are a bonus.

On cold nights a cupful of table salt will stop the lavatory from freezing over. Antifreeze will also work, but be sure to flush well before use. (Always check that the pan is not frozen. If it is, a kettle of boiling water will usually resolve the problem).

Cling film is not an effective repair for cracked lavatory pans.

Marmite has unparalleled antifreeze properties. Squeeze some into your car door locks using the back of a teaspoon. It also makes a useful screen-wash.

In cold weather many foods require more energy to consume than they supply. Try to eat a high-energy, low mastication diet involving efficient calorific ingredients such as bananas, Yorkshire Pudding and Maltesers.

Anyone used to swimming in Britain will know that the water feels warmer on a normal, grey summer's day than when the sun is shining. This is because perceived body temperature is relative to ambient temperature. In winter ensure that you regularly lower your blood temperature with a generous intake of alcohol (you may not technically be warmer, but you won't care).

Dig out that old record turntable from the attic and attach a 3 volt bulb to the short pins on the power plug. Set the turntable to thirty-three and a third RPM and invite a friend to spin the turntable vigorously in an anticlockwise direction; this will provide sufficient light for you to top up your guests' glasses.

Little Known Facts: The Engine that Ran on Baking Soda

Today is the 200th anniversary of the birth of Zach Leigh-Wright, inventor of the Airey Engine.

Leigh-Wright, a nephew of Lancashire brewer Isiah Wright, invented the Airey - the name is derived from its full title, the Acid/Alkali Alternating Impulse Reaction Engine (AAAIRE) - in an inspired act of social philanthropy.

In the mid C19th the Crimean War required widespread requisition of horses for combat and to draw guns. One effect of this was a shortage of dray horses. This led in 1854 to the infamous 'Winter of the Mares', when women (and even children), mostly from brewery workers' families, were employed to pull the brewer's wagons in northern towns. Moved by their plight, Leigh-Wright realised that vinegar - a by-product of the brewing process - might be used to power the drays.

Leigh-Wright's invention bore some similarity to Hero's 1st century steam-powered 'Aeolipile', although there is no evidence that Zach was aware of the Aeolipile or influenced by it. At its simplest the Airey engine consisted of an oscillating drum internally divided into two 'tadpole-shaped' chambers, similar in cross-section to the Taoist 'Taijitu' or yin yang symbol. Pressurised aerosol sprays of sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) and atomised aqueous acetic acid (vinegar) were injected alternately into the two chambers through jets in a central axle. The result was chain of a rapid exothermic reactions producing CO2 gas and a massive expansion in volume (a reaction familiar to children who have made papier maché 'volcanoes' in their kitchens at home).

The expanding gases were ejected through nozzles at the narrow end of each chamber, causing the drum to rotate in alternate directions. The oscillation was governed by an escapement, and converted into rotational movement via a camshaft.

Airey-powered drays were a familiar sight, sound and scent around the streets of Preston, Leeds, and Bradford in the mid 1850s, but the engine had several drawbacks; it emitted large quantities of water, there were appalling corrosion problems, and the expansion chambers tended to become clogged with residue. Ironically, the mechanical drays were also unpopular with the brewer's men, who had found the employment of their wives to haul wagons a useful source of extra income.

In the following decade the increased availability of heavy horses and improvements to the steam engine gradually eclipsed the Airey engine, and by the 1870s the internal combustion engine was beginning its inexorable ascendency.

Although today it is all but forgotten, the non-polluting technology of the Airey engine may yet see its return, especially as new technologies now enable baking soda to be produced from carbon retrieved from furnace gases, making the operation of the engines carbon neutral.

Little Known Facts: Lacustrine Spheres

When the invention of the aqualung first freed divers from the restrictions of fixed rope and airline, it introduced a communications problem between divers and their surface support teams. We now take radio comms for granted, but in 1944 a French diver, Jacques Lacustrine, came up with an ingenious system involving cork spheres. The spheres were attached to a special belt by metal studs.

The studs were weighted so as to exactly counterbalance the buoyancy of the cork spheres they secured. When a diver freed his balls the securing studs fell away, making the system buoyancy neutral. Watchers above 'read' the balls according to a prearranged code as they popped to the surface, and in turn communicated with the diver by dropping clay spheres which had trailing ribbons attached to make them more visible.

Lacustrine's system proved cumbersome and soon became redundant. In particular, the cork balls easily became accidentally dislodged, sending unintentional messages at inopportune moments. It did, however, give rise to the phrase, "I don't pop my cork for every manatee".

Moules Chocolat

This is not a culinary blog, but I have to share with you James Hamilton-Paterson's exquisite recipe for Moules Chocolat, from his book 'Cooking with Fernet Branca'. We had this on Easter Day, sitting in shirt-sleeves on the terrace watching the lambs play in the Spring sunshine, and it was in a class of its own.

Ingredients
2 dozen fresh mussels, shelled and cleaned
Good quantity olive oil
Rosemary
Soy sauce
100 gm finely grated Valrhona dark chocolate

Method
Heat the olive oil until small bubbles appear. Toss in a handful of fresh rosemary. Meanwhile, dunk each mussel in soy sauce and roll it in the bitter chocolate. Put the mussels in the deep-fryer basket and plunge them into the oil for one minute and fifty seconds. Lift them out, drain on kitchen paper, and shake them into a bowl of pale porcelain 'to set off their rich mahogany colour'.

As J H-P suggests, the result rustles like 'dead leaves in a gutter' - a consequence of the action of soy sauce on chocolate at high temperatures. I would only take issue with his recommended glass of Nastro Azzuro beer as an accompaniment. We reckoned this to be a bit on the dark side. Instead I would suggest chilling one of the drier Madeiras, such as a Sercial or Verdelho - if possible from the central 'Valley of the Nuns', the Curral das Freiras, where the wines have an astringent, chestnut nose. The bitterness imparted by heating after the first fermentation, coupled with the addition of cane brandy, make this a perfect partner for this subtle dish.

Enjoy!

Climb Every Mountain

It's typical really. Brother Tobias has climbed Cruachan, Suilven, Cul Mhor, Stac Polly, An Teallach and Healaval Mhor, not to mention Tryfan, Snowden, Helvellyn and a host of other mountains in Snowdonia, the Lake District and the Highlands. Some of them several times. And yet, even though he lived in Skye for 30 years, he never got round to climbing in the Cuillins.

I call this the 'Tower of London Effect'. If it's right next door to you, you never get round to seeing it, whereas a tourist will do it on day one and get a tee shirt.

What's the betting there are people in Chatham who have never made the pilgrimage to Luton Arches on Midsummer Day, to watch the first rays of the rising sun spill through the central span, streak across the darkened rooftops and strike the multi-faceted obelisk at the end of Sun Pier in a starburst of light?

There are probably folk in Ruabon who have never explored the one and a half mile tunnel linking the Ruabon Burn with Y Gardden hill fort - a marvel of Bronze Age engineering that later became the headquarters of the 'Wat's Dykers' movement in the mid eighteenth century (and from which they mounted their abortive campaign against farm mechanisation).

There may be Basildon residents who haven't tasted Basildon Bun - that delicious, iced, yeasty plait of saffron-coloured dough, redolent of cloves and ginger; Notts folk who've never marvelled at the 'Titania', the glider credited with making the first recorded flight in 1772, its wings coated with Nottingham lace as fine as gossamer; Maidstoners dismissive of that pearl of twentieth century town planning, Shepway Model Village, with its sinuous curves and grandiloquent vistas.

I don't suppose I'll ever get round to conquering a Cuillin now. I should have listened to Julie Andrews.

[To buy Basildon Buns, visit 'Bazzer's Bunny Bake' in Basildon High Street. See the Titania at the 'Wings above the Wolds Museum' near Thrumpton-on-Soar. For information on the availability of guided tours of Shepway Model Village, contact Maidstone Borough Planning Department on 01622 602234]

Little Known Facts: The Supernatural Significance of 2008

The year 2008 has spooky mathematical significance. For example, the square root of 2008 is 44.810713. If you subtract that from 2008, you get 1963.1893. 1963 was the year that Kennedy was assassinated. It is alleged that Kennedy had an affair with Marilyn Monroe, the star of 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes', and 1893 was the year that the author of 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes', Anita Loos, was born. 1963 was also the year that Kenya gained its independence. By an astonishing co-incidence, Kenya begins with the same letter of the alphabet as Kennedy while its second biggest city, Mombasa, begins with the same letter as Marilyn's second name, Monroe! K is the 11th letter of the alphabet. If you take the 4th and 7th letters of the square root of 2008 (44.810713), you get 11. If you add 4 and 7 together you get 11 again. If you add the individual numbers of the square root of 2008 together they make 28 - which is 4 times 7! If you divide 2008 by Pi (3.14) and multiply by 3, you get 1918, the year WWI ended. WWI included the battles of Anita and Loos, and began with an assassination in the Balkans, which contains a K!

Finally (and this is really spooky), if you add 1963.1893 to 44.810713 you get (you've guessed it)...2008!

How strange is that!!

Bring yourself luck and irritate your friends and workmates by forwarding this to everyone you know, otherwise bad things will happen somewhere probably, and it will be all your fault. Have a nice day.

Little Known Facts: Manuka Hangover Cure

Medical specialists in alcohol addiction and related disorders at the Surinder Tupaen Clinic in Southall are extolling the virtues of a recently developed 'morning after' remedy. The hangover-busting designer cocktail is exciting great interest after initial clinical trials.

If you are sceptical, try it for yourself; mix the following ingredients into a paste and swallow it direct from the spoon or, if preferred, on melba toast or as a dip.

A tablespoon of goose fat (turkey fat will do, but goose is better);
A teaspoon of Manuka Honey;
4-5 drops of Thai Fish Sauce (Nahm Plah)
If desired, sugar to taste.

These ingredients combine to provide the cruise missile of hangover remedies, zapping the recipient's beleaguered constitution in a unique multi-pronged attack. Goose fat, close to hand in many post-Christmas homes and now readily available at most big-name supermarkets, delivers a high monounsaturated fat content and associated vasoactive bi-nucleic peptides. Manuka honey includes hydrogen peroxide, twinning anti-inflammatory elements with unique gastric depilatory properties. Omega 3 in the fish oil confronts acetaldehyde residues at a molecular level, whilst EPAs (eicosapentaenoic acids) address post-alcoholic depression.

Brother Tobias brings you this life-saving recipe with best wishes for 2008.

(Warning: Prepared in an environment which may contain nuts)

Little Known Facts: Languages of the Low Countries

The origin of Flemish is self-explanatory - a reference to the bronchial congestion which characterises the inhabitants of this low-lying, marshy terrain and which led to the guttural, throat-clearing peculiarities of the language.

Walloon or Walon, takes its name from its Welsh origins. It was carried to the continental mainland by migrant Welsh bulb growers following the daffodil blight of 1613-15. Even now, the current standardisation of the spellings of the several distinct Walloon dialects is known as 'Rhonda Walon', while the evidence of Welsh names can still be found in the tulip-growing areas of the Netherlands (Willems, Johannes, Van Rhys, etc).

Frisian developed along the North Sea coast - the continental 'frieze'. Pliny the Younger reported that the Frisians lived on turps; this may explain the anglo-saxon qualities of the language, which bears a close resemblance to the Low English of Romney Marsh, Britain's own nether land [cf: 'Anglo-Frisian Fricatives of Dungeness and New Romney'; Ivan I. Deare; School of Sport and Exercise Science, Loughborough University, 1981].

Little Known Facts: Wine Gums, Face Packs and Edam

Up until the middle of the last century wine producers used a mixture of beeswax and pectin to seal their bottles. The filled, corked bottles would be dipped, neck down, into a heated vat of the wax mixture. As a final stage an épéiste (literally, 'swordsman') would pare away any excess wax before the bottles were packed in straw-lined panniers for transport. At the end of the day the wine workers would sweep up these waxy, 'wine gum' parings and take them home as treats for their children.

Unconscious forerunners of the 'honey for health' movement, their wives soon discovered that the wax was restorative to the complexion, and took to kneading it into pancakes for application to the face. In an impoverished society in which nothing was wasted, the used face packs were often subsequently employed to wrap home-produced cheeses. This was found to prolong the life of the cheese, and was the origin of the wax coating on Edam and Gouda cheeses.

Unfortunately the beeswax/pectin formula was attractive to rodents and weevils, while the recycling of facepacks as cheese wrapping became implicated in the spread of scarlet fever. By 1850 the wine trade had switched to sealing-wax derived from gum arabic, whilst cheese producers favoured the more malleable paraffin wax, which had become abundant as a by-product of coal gas manufacture.

It was an enterprising Toulouse confectioner named Franck Litoshe who devised the first custom-made wine gums. Modelled on bottle-seals and flavoured with fortified wines, brandy and liqueurs, his sweets quickly became popular as a pacifier for teething babies. The green ones (Chartreuse) were considered to be particularly efficacious; three or four could knock an infant out for up to eight hours.

Little Known Facts: How Australia got its name.

When Captain Cook claimed possession of what is now Eastern Australia in 1770, he named it New South Wales. It wasn't until fourteen years later that the continent acquired its present name. This came about in February 1785 when Josiah A Kerr, the coxwain of a penal colony supply ship, landed on the wooded shore of Desolation Bay with a watering party and mistook a bandicoot track for a bridleway. Kerr set off alone to explore it, and was never seen again. His parting words, "There's an 'orse trail 'ere", passed into folklore and became corrupted into Orstralia, subsequently latinised as Australia.

Little Known Facts: Origin of the The Triple Jump

Also known now as the "hop, step and jump", the triple jump appeared in the 1896 Athens Olympic Games as the 'hop, hop and jump', but its origins lie centuries earlier in the tiny Cotswold hamlet of Inn Breding on the Wold. As today's visitors will know, this picturesque settlement is bisected by the River Phoenix, which runs through the central green. When a spate washed away four of the stepping stones in the fifteenth century, villagers quickly became adept at hopping and jumping the resulting gaps (although strangers often came to grief!). The young men of the village would compete to see who could cross the fastest at the annual harvest fair, and from this the Triple Jump was born.

Comet Holmes and Dr Watson

There was a fine, clear view of Comet Holmes last night, which even Kent's rampant light pollution could not destroy. (Comet Holmes, in case you have been incommunicado somewhere very remote, like Crieff or Kugluktuk, is a normally mousy and retiring object which orbits the sun every seven years or so. In the last week, however, the comet has become about a million times brighter, and is now visible to the naked eye). It looks a bit like this:


Comet Holmes was first discovered by Sherlock Holmes in 1892. The events surrounding the discovery were reported in Dr John Watson's article in the Strand Magazine of December of that year.

About ten o' clock one evening, Holmes, who had slipped outside to ream his pipe, suddenly called to Watson in a tone of some distress. In Watson's words:

'I found Holmes standing on the seventeenth step, holding onto the railing and staring wild-eyed into the night sky.

"John," he cried, "For pity's sake, tell me that you see it too!"

Fearing that my friend had overindulged his habitual vice and damaged his eyesight, I replied, "I see nothing, Holmes, but if you say something is there, then something there must surely be."

Holmes clutched my arm and pointed above the trees in Regent's Park, in the general direction of Camden Town. And there, through the haze thrown up by the gas lights, I noticed a remarkable object in the constellation of Perseus. It was as bright as a star, but larger and hazy, like a carbide lamp seen through fog.

"I see it Holmes," I said.

"Thank Heavens," he breathed. "I could not bear it. The exactitude of my senses, Watson, the exactitude is what sets me apart."

Thus it was that Holmes, who professes disinterest in all things astronomical - who once, indeed, averred that the sun revolved around the earth, and that, even if it were not so, this was irrelevant to his deductive powers and therefore a matter of complete indifference to him - thus it was that Holmes discovered the comet that now bears his name.'