No place like Ddedwydd Nadolig

Just had my mother-in-law on the phone, much exercised that her Christmas Cards haven't been reaching a relative in Wales. Put the address she was using through a free Welsh-English translator. Turns out she'd been sending them to 'Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year'. Fail.

It's Another World

The Social Secretary arrived back just now worried that the car was low on fuel. "It's on the reserve," she said, "and that won't take us any distance, now fuel prices have gone up."

Strange Bird on the Loose

The Social Secretary's twin was walking the dog the other day when a car containing a man and a woman drew up beside her. The driver lowered his window and said, "We're looking for a golden eagle."

Aghast that such a rare bird had escaped, the Twin exclaimed, "Oh no! How awful!" She scanned the skies helpfully, shielding her eyes against the sun.

The couple looked at her oddly and then at each other. The man unobtrusively raised his window a bit. "It does Thai food," he explained nervously.

The Twin turned a fetching shade of pink. "Oh! You mean the pub! It's straight down the hill, then first left in the village."

It's Another World

I got an urgent call from the Social Secretary at work one day. She said that she had been up by the compost heap when she came over all queer. Everything had gone blurry, and she had felt suddenly nauseous. She'd gone to bed and felt better there, but every time she got up the giddyness and nausea returned.

I was worried. I've got one of those books. The Reader's Digest Medical Adviser. It's crammed with aneurysms and clots and similar bad stuff. It's a scary book, because it makes you fear the worst.

As I cancelled meetings I rang her at intervals. She was no worse but no better, and I told her to stay in bed with the curtains drawn until I could get back.

Then she called me. She was suddenly better. "What happened?, I asked.

"I put on my glasses to try getting up again," she said, "and then I wiped them."

"That made you better?", I said.

"When I wiped them, my finger went through. The lens had fallen out. I've just found it up by the compost heap. I'm fine now"

It's Another World

Social Secretary: "Where's my glass cleaner? You can't see out of this mirror at all."