Baby on Bread

You know something that really irritates? Those yellow 'Baby on Board' signs people stick in the back window of their cars.

Meaning what?

"Please don't crash into the back of me as you obviously intended to before you read this notice"

"Beware, reading this sign may distract you and cause you to run into me."

"This sign obscures part of my back window, so I may not be aware of your presence."

"I am fertile."

"Danger: Sudden Projectile Vomiting."

"Warning, my driving may become erratic as I (a) Retrieve Wayne's dummy from the footwell; (b) Change a nappy; (c) Breast feed."

"I have had a baby. My ability to concentrate is permanently impaired."

I have an urge to make up my own, look-alike notices. Such as "Baby, I'm Bored," or "Baby on Bread".

Nearly as annoying are the ones that say, "If you can read this, you are too close". Well, I wasn't too close until I closed up to make out what you were trying to tell me.

And I'm sorry, I don't want to cause offence, but those fish stickers are very tiresome. Must evangelicals wear their hearts on their sleeves like that? We don't want to know your beliefs, although when we've seen the badge we do know we don't want to know you.

The whole car-to-car communication business began with 'I've seen the Lions of Longleat' stickers in the 1960s. The then Marquess of Bath has a lot to answer for.