Friday, 18 April 2008

Transvestites and Nasal Hair

I was thinking, apropos nothing much, wouldn't it be funny peculiar if you read someone's blog, and they read yours, and you commented and so on. And then it turned out you knew them all along. That they lived next door, or it was your ex boss finally exposed as a cross-dressing literary genius, or it was your partner, or something? There's a short story lurking there somewhere..."What a coincidence, your living in Catafalque Road, Ilford, with a partner that doesn't understand you. Just like me".

Or maybe an whodunnit (Did you notice the 'an' there, as in 'an hotel'? That's because I'm literary, that is). Murder by blog; "Oh no," he croaked, clutching his throat as he fell. "I'm allergic to plagiarism".

Now I come to think of it, the possibilities are legion. How about 'Blog with Mother'? "Once upon a time there was a grumpy old rant, who lived all alone because nobody loved his nasal hair..."

I'm sorry. I had to pause there for a while. It's the idea of my ex boss as a cross-dressing literary genius. (John, if you should read this, I know that image borders on insanity. The literary genius bit went too far, and I'm terribly sorry. And the reference to nasal hair was just a coincidence).

I don't suppose my old employer would ever take me back now anyway.

(That's another funny thing about blogging; I'll bet you within a couple of weeks someone will have opened this post whilst googling 'transvestites and nasal hair'. There's nowt so queer as folk...)


  1. For God's sake, you fool. I AM your mother.

  2. Sorry Mummy. It was the suit and tie that threw me.

  3. No, no, no, no, no.

    An hotel is not because you're literary - it can only be because you're French! H is not a vowel, no matter what the BBC would have us believe.

  4. Sacre bleu! You 'ave - ow do you say - exhumed me, no?

  5. Umm, yup now I'm freaked out. I hope you're not my old English teacher! M

  6. I'm still waiting for that essay, Marianne:

    "Suffering is good for the soul" Discuss in relation to John Willoughby, having particular regard to Austen's use of food imagery. Give examples.

    On my desk first thing Monday, please.