It's a sign of age. I've got all these friends I've completely forgotten. They keep emailing me. There's Lara Robby and Kasey Delgado, who want me to check out 70% discounts in the January Sales. There's Jake Clifford, who must be dyslexic because he'd like to 'reffiinance my morttggage'. Candia Post and Leonel Kaplan are both interested in whether I want to be larger (if they'd seen how much weight I've put on over Christmas they wouldn't ask). Reginald Boggs appears to run a pharmacy, but I'm pretty sure the chemist in the village is called Norman. What is Vicodin anyway?
Louisa Denison has contacted me about what are definitely the final pictures (I'm wondering if she was the girl in that nice couple we met in the Trossachs last year, although I don't remember them taking any photos of us). Clint Makepeace, if you mean what I think you mean, I suspect you may have confused me with someone else; that's never been my bag, mate. Carla Marquez, you need therapy; it's got to be unhygienic doing that with discounted stocks anyway.