Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Nokia Waterloo (My my, I tried to hold you back ...)

Yesterday the Social Secretary had a difficult day. Her mobile kept shooting out of her jodhpurs pocket like a bar of soap (too small a pocket or jodhpurs too tight? I wasn't going to ask). So when, tacked up and ready to go, she popped into the stables loo ('Nothing serious', she insists), she held it in her mouth to be on the safe side. As she flushed she said to herself, "I mustn't let it fall in". At least, she started to say it to herself. Aloud.

Fishing it out can't have been fun.

When she got back an hour or so later the phone still wasn't working, so I scrubbed up, snapped on a mask and latex gloves (unnecessary, I know; it's a private, sartorial thing) and we set to work.

After a vigorous shake (water poured out like brine from a drowned man), we stripped it and I began passing organs for treatment...battery, subscriber identity module, plastic slidey bit. Then resuss with a hair dryer played on several tiny orifices.

After some charging (the battery had shorted out completely), the first vital signs returned. However, the patient was still deeply confused; WXYZ was swopping round with TUV, and GHI with MNO, causing predictive text to produced psychedelic interpretations. We repeated the process three times before a little colour returned to its cheeks and it was able to recall the date and remember its address.

It's more or less back to normal this morning, although callers sound like goldfish.

And we're all insisting the SS washes her hands after texting.


  1. All phones with predictive text deserve a similar predicament. It's evil.

  2. Oh yes mobile phones, I remember them well! I too have dropped a few of them in the loo, swimming pool, horse trod on two, left one on the car roof and drove off. I think I'm better off without one. Debs x

  3. I have a friend who did that with her passport. In a hole-in-the-ground loo. While she had the runs. In Syria. Nothing says "I am showing you complete contempt and disrespect, please arrest and torture me" in a volatile country like a smelly British passport.
    Tell the SS it's not her fault! Trouser pockets on a slant (are they called "jetted"?) are a bugger for the accidental slippage of mobile phones.

  4. OMG I was reading this going "oh right, yeah, never gonna work, I've tried the hair-dryer too" and then you fixed it! You could start a mobile phone surgery!

  5. oo-er, a little too much information here methinks!

    I think you should buy the SS some jodphurs, a jacket (or boots) with a phone pocket in before any further mishaps!

  6. You reminded me of the time on rugby tour to Spain that I left my mobile on the pocket of my jeans which I then proceeded to wash in the washing machine. I was surprised by Mrs BW's comment when I got home - What the hell were you doing washing your jeans on tour? She had a point.

  7. Haha, apparently the most common cause of mobile phone crapola is due to falling in the bog! Fancy that. I guess she will be having some crap conversations from now on...

  8. Hmm. This has given me a great idea... a new way forward in the search for the ultimate anti theft device for mobile phones... hang on, I just need to nip to the loo...

  9. Sounds like bringing a stiff drowned turkey chick back to live with a hairdryer (I did). Guess miracles aren't impossible in waterloo'd mobile lives. Btw, I don't it will rust.

  10. Oops, perhaps the memory HAS gone after all - some Mobile-words in my prev. comment disappeared!!!

  11. Rol, when I first used predictive text I kept trying to correct it before completely entering words. It drove me to distraction.

    Debs, you're probably wise! (A friend once left a camera on his car roof. When he realised he turned round and drove several miles back to where he'd been parked. Got out of the car to look, and found it was still on the roof).

    Lucy, that's a nightmare story! I don't know what I'd have done. Cried, possibly. The SS appreciated your support.

    Daisy I was surprised too, although I tried to affect a confident nonchelance when it began to show signs of life.

    Laura, she does have a snazzy holder that straps round her boot - just wasn't wearing it unfortunately.

    BW, I'm assuming it was knackered? Wrong sort of powder, probably (I find a non-bio woollens one works best for mobiles).

    Amanda, I like that! I suspect dropping them in pints of beer is the runner-up. I had one drinking buddy who habitually did that (she was usually in mid conversation on it).

    Steve - Well, I wouldn't steal it!

    Extra Virgin - Much the same...tiny orifices and so on. Actually I was inspired by your resuscitation of your camera, when it fell off a bakkie into a puddle.

  12. I dropped mine down the pan before - fished it out well quick, and, after a perfunctory rinse of the hands, discovered it was working fine! Wasn't even late for seeing the next patient - a Root Canal - so everything ended well...

  13. Chimesey - You must have fast reactions. (Funny thing...I think you may also be a faith healer; my toothache has suddenly gone away...)

  14. Bad news Brother Tobias: The ressused mud-bathed-camera sadly departed after a short life of rusty misery – it decided upon euthanasia followed by cremation. It now rests in little pictures that still float around the globe...