Saturday, 9 February 2008

Biscuits as Brain Food

I notice I haven't been blogging much lately (I'm observant like that). It about coincided with stopping snacking out on bad stuff, to try and lose the weight that's crept up on me. Or rather, around me. It's that Scottish penchant for sweet stuff, like cakes and biscuits.

They put something addictive in biscuits; I can go through a whole pack of custard creams, one by one, in that 'just one more' way custard creams have. And the different ways you can eat them is an added attraction. You know - bite one half off and then nibble round the other until you are left with a maximum filling, minimum biscuit scenario (keeping the filling intact whilst separating it from both biscuits is the holy grail); bite off the top biscuit and then scrape off the filling with your teeth; wolf the whole thing in one go; etc.

Anyway, back to not eating, not blogging. Maybe basic meals are body food, to generate heat and motion, make your hair grow, mow the lawn, etc. And snacks are brain food. Perhaps the old neural network needs sugar to keep it firing. At regular intervals. Biscuits for blogging. And I haven't lost any weight, so where was it going? To my head, obviously. I mean, name a fat philosopher. (You Kant, can you?) They're all skinny, ascetic rakes - in the garden tool, not the behavioural sense. Although...

I think I've stumbled on something here. After all, garibaldis and fig newtons were presumably called after their illustrious namesakes. I believe Maxim Gorky worked in a biscuit factory, and Wilde was very fond of chocolate fingers. After an appearance on The Old Grey Whistle Test, even John Lennon once requested his fee in chocolate bath olivers.

And why not biscuits as brain food? They have proven medical benefits. Digestives or arrowroot fingers are a first choice for norovirus convalescents, for example, and everyone knows that ginger nuts prevent morning sickness. This could explain why the sweet-toothed Scots exported so many engineers and inventors. Brilliant but no doubt cavitied.

For further research I recommend vienna triangles and a visit to The Biscuit Appreciation Society. Apparently it has a membership of about 3,000,000, which is about 2,999,998 more than it expected. And if you would like to make biscuits your special subject, a good starting point is 'Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down', which has a comprehensive analysis of British and world biscuits, and some cracking biscuit adventures.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just going off to fantasise about licking iced gems off a wagon wheel.

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